10 Reasons Chickens Are Better Pets Than Dogs

10. No licensing fees. I think the towns tried to require licenses, but getting a chicken to wear a collar isn't as easy as it seems.

9. Chickens don't beg. They won't endlessly bother you for your table scraps. Chicken feed and bugs is about all they need to be happy.

8. Chickens don't bite. I've never seen a chicken with a muzzle and I've never been asked to wait at the front door while a customer puts their chickens away. But please ladies; don't wear open-toed shoes with fabulously painted toenails around your chickens. Or at least if you do, please make sure I'm there to videotape it.

7. Chickens don't eat there own...you know. C'mon, you dog owners know what I'm talking about! Let's just say you certainly don't want Fido licking your face after feasting on this particular snack.

6. Dog's don't have the market cornered on being glad to see you when you get home from work. Nothing's funnier than seeing a flock of hens running up to greet you when you step out of your car.

5. Chicken names can be more fun than dog names. How about pEGGy Sue, HENrietta or Off-Road Clucker? Or, if you're six years old, you might choose Yelly, Brownie and Chickie - like Jeff's daughter did for our chickens. And yes, in the near future some poor feline will be named Bubbles.

4. You look at bugs in a totally different way. Before chickens, I'd do what most do when confronted by a gnarly-looking insect -- squash it! Now, when confronted with a shiny exoskeleton I can't help but wonder if Brownie might find the little creep tasty!

3. Don't ever have to walk your chicken. I just don't have it in me to walk a dog twice a day in all kinds of weather. Chickens don't need walking. Better yet, you don't have to follow your chickens around to pick up their warm, smelly...you know.

2. Chickens are quieter than dogs. Allow me to clarify: by chickens, I mean hens. Roosters are a whole different story - just ask our neighbors.

1. Chickens contribute productively to the family, dogs just eat. Sure you have to feed chickens too, but at least they produce eggs for you! Mmmm. Scrambled, fried, poached, over-easy, in-a-basket, salad, benedict, deviled...

Wethinks about chickens

Jeff and I have been talking a lot lately about chickens. We want chickens. Good, egg-laying chickens. Like a Rhode Island Red. Or maybe a White Leghorn.

We figure on getting four chickens. Four nice egg laying hens will do us good. Omletts, scrambled, poached, hard-boiled, over-easy, over-medium, over-hard, sunny-side-up, sliced egg sandwiches, egg salad, soufles, egg cremes.

Our wives think that we're crazy, that we'll never actually get around to buying our coveted fowl. We did a lot of research on coops. The Catawba Brougham is our favorite. We downloaded the plans and intend to build it ourselves (our wives chuckle when we tell them that too).

So when we tell others our plans for world domination beginning with a humble flock of yard-raised chickens, they usually have a few questions after their hearty belly laughs and snide comments. I will gladly address them here:

1. You can't keep chickens in your town, can you?
I read our town's rule book, and it specifically says you can't keep a specific list of farm animals one of which is NOT chickens!

2. Won't they make a lot of noise?
They're CHICKENS, not roosters! Besides, I'm sure they won't wake me up in the middle of the night like the stupid dog across the street! Chickens might be dumb, but at least they know to go to sleep when it's dark!

3. What will you do with all of the eggs?
Eat them. See deliciously long list above.

4. Won't they smell?
No more that the yard of the beast mentioned in item number 2. Pew.

5. What will you do when they're too old to lay eggs?
Eat them. Mmmmm; fried, roasted, fricassied, poached, baked, cordon blue, pot pies, caccatore, with cashew nuts, salad, monte carlo, croquettes...

6. Where will you keep them?
In their coop. The Catawba Brougham; what a fine piece of capon construction.

And lastly, my wife's favorite:
7. Who's going to feed them every day?
That's what we have kids for!