Wethinks about chickens

Jeff and I have been talking a lot lately about chickens. We want chickens. Good, egg-laying chickens. Like a Rhode Island Red. Or maybe a White Leghorn.

We figure on getting four chickens. Four nice egg laying hens will do us good. Omletts, scrambled, poached, hard-boiled, over-easy, over-medium, over-hard, sunny-side-up, sliced egg sandwiches, egg salad, soufles, egg cremes.

Our wives think that we're crazy, that we'll never actually get around to buying our coveted fowl. We did a lot of research on coops. The Catawba Brougham is our favorite. We downloaded the plans and intend to build it ourselves (our wives chuckle when we tell them that too).

So when we tell others our plans for world domination beginning with a humble flock of yard-raised chickens, they usually have a few questions after their hearty belly laughs and snide comments. I will gladly address them here:

1. You can't keep chickens in your town, can you?
I read our town's rule book, and it specifically says you can't keep a specific list of farm animals one of which is NOT chickens!

2. Won't they make a lot of noise?
They're CHICKENS, not roosters! Besides, I'm sure they won't wake me up in the middle of the night like the stupid dog across the street! Chickens might be dumb, but at least they know to go to sleep when it's dark!

3. What will you do with all of the eggs?
Eat them. See deliciously long list above.

4. Won't they smell?
No more that the yard of the beast mentioned in item number 2. Pew.

5. What will you do when they're too old to lay eggs?
Eat them. Mmmmm; fried, roasted, fricassied, poached, baked, cordon blue, pot pies, caccatore, with cashew nuts, salad, monte carlo, croquettes...

6. Where will you keep them?
In their coop. The Catawba Brougham; what a fine piece of capon construction.

And lastly, my wife's favorite:
7. Who's going to feed them every day?
That's what we have kids for!